


Uneasy Is The Head

by Maggiemaye



Series: Under the Mountain [6]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Brotherly Bonding, Family Feels, Fili is king and he's out here doing his best, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:22:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23605234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maggiemaye/pseuds/Maggiemaye
Summary: "He knows, without conceit, that he is a good king. His people need a good, trustworthy leader after all the pain they’ve endured. He is glad that he can be that for them. But perhaps he had not understood what Thorin had meant when he’d spoken of sacrifice."
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), mentions of Kiliel obviously
Series: Under the Mountain [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/260614
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Uneasy Is The Head

**Author's Note:**

> When I was really active in writing this 'verse, it was my safe, comforting place at a time when I really needed one. Now I've found myself needing one again, so here I am adding to the series. This is a little Fili interlude that has been in my drafts for years. I hope you enjoy it! And I hope you are able to be patient and kind to yourselves during these weird times. 
> 
> \--Maggie

Dinner is typically the highlight of Fili’s day, for several reasons.

For one thing, it is the only time in his day that all talk of governance is strictly banned. This is a rule imposed by Dis, in her wisdom, to give the family time to rest. Fili supposes that he could talk about whatever he wants at the dinner table, being King Under the Mountain, but he gladly adheres to the rule. 

Dinner is held in the family’s private wing, another reason Fili looks forward to it. The royals of Erebor often feast with the public (though not so often now as in the kingdom’s golden age, of course), and as much as Fili enjoys the throng of folk around him, he often craves time away from the expectant eyes of his subjects.

Also, at dinner he gets to observe the antics of Kili’s rambunctious and (admittedly) adorable children.

Tonight’s meal is attended by all except Tauriel, who according to Kili is in their chambers with an inconsolable baby Rhuna. She hopes to come later, Kili assures them, if the babe calms enough. 

“Should you not be there with them?” Fili inquires during dessert, when Tauriel still has not made an appearance.

“Nah. She begged me to take the boys and get out of her way for a while. Rhuna’s just teething, but she’s a terror about it.”

Fili nods, as if he has any understanding at all of what Kili is talking about. Meanwhile, Eronel begins to fuss in Kili’s lap, rubbing a chubby fist over his eyes. He’s clearly decided that it is time for bed.

“Ada,” he whines, on the edge of frustrated tears. He manages one hiccupping sob before his grandmother appears.

“Give me that child,” says Dis, swooping in to take Eronel into her arms. She begins walking him about the room, swaying and humming under her breath, until his fussing starts to subside. Meanwhile Nethelion races about the hall, hiding behind chairs.

“Your son is running amok,” Fili points out.

Kili glances over with a shrug. “He won’t kill anyone.”

It is a far cry from the way Kili had hovered over Nethelion when he’d been a babe. He is the firstborn, and as such, Kili and Tauriel had fretted over him considerably more than the children that had come after. Now, their anxiety seems to have dissipated for the most part. Kili has always been self-assured, but as a parent he has replaced the cocksure attitude of his youth with a more subdued confidence. It’s a change that Fili looks upon with some wonder. Could having a spouse and family really change a person so much? The thought is worrying.

As the meal dies down, Dis passes the now-slumbering Eronel to Kili; the child flops onto his father’s shoulder like a sack of flour.

“Looks like we had better turn in,” Kili says in a low voice. He gestures to Nethelion; the dwarfling whines a bit before making his way to his father’s side.

“Want to come by before you go back to your chambers?” he asks, and Fili takes him up on the casual invitation. Nothing in his life is casual anymore; it is all bowing and scraping now. He is relieved to talk of inconsequential things with Kili as they walk the private corridors.

“At least one of us gets some rest.” Kili rolls his eyes and indicates his passenger. Eronel drools on his father’s shoulder, still deep in the sleep of the innocent. Fili grins at the sight. The grin turns into a laugh when they approach the door and Kili fixes his firstborn with a solemn look.

“Now, son, what are we _not_ going to do when we go inside?”

“Wake the baby,” Nethelion recites dutifully.

“That’s right. We don’t want Nana to pull her hair out. Or kill us.”

They walk in to find mother and daughter seated by the fire. Tauriel hums under her breath, a song Fili doesn’t recognize. On her shoulder is Rhuna, a tiny plump bundle draped in a blanket. Her head is tucked into the hollow of her mother’s neck.

“She’s not quite asleep yet,” Tauriel informs them in a groggy whisper.

“Go to bed, love,” he replies just as quietly, pressing his lips to her temple. “Fili and I will take care of things here.”

“We will?” Fili asks.

“Yes. Take. I’ll be right back.” Kili gestures to the bundle in Tauriel’s arms. Fili takes Rhuna awkwardly into his arms; relieved of her charge for a while, Tauriel shuffles to bed with barely a parting nod. Kili herds Nethelion along with him down the hall, leaving Fili alone with an impossibly small babe in his arms.

There is an element of soul-crushing fear about being left in charge of another person’s child, even if said child is his own niece. But of all the babes to be entrusted with, Rhuna is a pretty agreeable one. She squirms in his arms, snuffling to herself as she gets accustomed to the new embrace. Fili touches the tuft of fair hair at her chin.

“Hello, little miss,” he whispers, touching her tiny nose and grinning as she squeaks in reply. He moves his finger across her cheek. She scrunches her tiny face into a yawn; Fili can see her struggle to keep her drowsy eyelids open. Fili gingerly lifts her to rest on his shoulder, as he had seen Tauriel do. Rhuna deems this the right position for sleeping and quickly settles into stillness. Fili finds himself listening hard for her soft breaths as he rubs her back, his one hand spanning the width of her. She is terrifyingly tiny.

She already has a fine head of blonde hair. Fili lowers his face to it and breathes in.

“Are you sniffing my daughter?”

Fili goes a bit red; he hadn’t noticed his brother’s return. “Just…the baby smell.”

“I know. Here, I’ll take her if you like.”

“It’s all right, she’s back to sleep now. But the second she cries…”

“Of course,” Kili says with a roll of his eyes. “Everyone wants them until they become holy terrors. Then all of a sudden they’re passed back off to us.”

Fili chuckles as silently as he can. On his shoulder, Rhuna continues to sleep.

“This will be you in a few years, you know,” Kili says over his shoulder, grabbing two stone cups from the kitchen.

Fili groans. “I’d like yours to be the only children in my life for a while longer.”

Kili falls quiet, perhaps hearing the edge behind his words.

“It’s really not so bad, Fi.”

“You _chose_ it, though. There’s a difference.”

Kili is silent. He takes a long drink—water, not ale. Things have indeed changed. There are days that Fili is so proud of his brother he could burst. He had thought—mistakenly, he can see now—that Kili would never really be cut out for responsibility.

Now, it is Fili who grapples with his own responsibilities.

“I like Corolan. I do. And it’s the right thing to do, marrying her.”

He speaks half to his brother and half to himself. Really, Fili himself is the one who needs the most convincing.

“Maybe so, but I know you hadn’t planned on marrying for politics,” Kili replies before they lapse into silence again.

Fili had not been prepared to ascend to the throne. Thorin had explained his reasons for his abdication and Fili understood them, even admired his uncle for making the decision that he had. But now he is King Under the Mountain, a role that requires immense personal sacrifice for the sake of his people. Thorin had told him this, and asked Fili if he was sure he was willing to take it on.

Fili had accepted the crown, even embraced it. And he has found that the ruling part comes more naturally than he would have expected. He is aware that he’s a natural leader, and he’s been able to use that to Erebor’s advantage since his ascension. But with ruling comes politics, and strategy. His council has pressed him to take a spouse for years. Ideally, they’ve said, Corolan of the Iron Hills would be an advantageous choice. Their marriage would make an already strong alliance ironclad, and after Kili’s unprecedented choice to wed an elf, the King Under the Mountain needed to make a safe marriage. To put the people’s minds at rest.

Their logic was sound; Fili hadn’t been able to argue with it even though he had wanted to. Now, as the details of his courtship come together, Fili walks around with a stone in his throat.

“I hadn’t planned on marrying at all,” he finally replies. “I do not know if I want what you have.”

As if to underscore his comments, Rhuna stirs against his shoulder and begins to whimper. Fili sways and pats her back to soothe her, the motion coming instinctively after watching Kili handle babies for all these years.

“It might be better than you expect,” Kili offers hopefully.

“I suppose I can hope so,” Fili says, not without bitterness. “And if I produce an heir it will all have been worth it, no? That’s what all this is about. ‘The people won’t be at ease until there is an heir,’ they tell me. It all seems so cold.”

“Political marriages aren’t always bad.”

“They aren’t always good, either,” he returns. Kili concedes the point with a dip of his head.

“Do you regret taking the throne? Now that you have to make this marriage?”

Fili thinks about it. He knows, without conceit, that he is a good king. His people need a good, trustworthy leader after all the pain they’ve endured. He is glad that he can be that for them. But perhaps he had not understood what Thorin had meant when he’d spoken of sacrifice. Now, Fili looks at a future locked into place, with a companion not of his own choosing. It is not the life he’d imagined for himself, having been an adventurer and a wanderer in his youth. And did he even want a spouse? He wasn’t opposed to the idea, necessarily, but he had never pictured a partner in his future.

The crown is heavy; Fili knows this to be true, now. Perhaps it is best he will not have to bear it alone.

“I’m not sure,” he finally decides. “But it’s done now, isn’t it?”

Rhuna squirms against his shoulder a bit more, still fighting sleep.

“Shh,” Fili whispers to her, little words of comfort that only tighten the knots in his own stomach. “It’s all right. It will be all right.”


End file.
